For many Jews around the world, Daniel Perez has become one of the faces of this war and the hostage crisis. Daniel, a young officer and tank commander originally from South Africa and the son of Rabbi Doron Perez, World Mizrachi Executive Chairman, was declared missing after October 7th. For 163 torturous days, his family hoped for his return, until they received the devastating news that he had been killed on October 7th and his body was being held in captivity. Rabbi Aron White spoke with Shelley Perez, Daniel’s mother.

Can you tell us a little bit about yourself and your background?

I was born in Cape Town, South Africa. After completing school I graduated and worked as a physical therapist. I made Aliyah and got married to Doron in 1998. We lived in Israel for 2 years, our oldest son Yonatan was born here and when he was 4 months old we went on shlichut to South Africa for 2.5 years. This amazingly became 15 years. In 2014 we made it back to Israel, and have lived here in Yad Binyamin for 10.5 years.

How would you describe Daniel to people who never had the chance to meet him?

Daniel was a very mischievous kid. He always had his own way of doing things. He was lively and honest, but always did things his own way. He was not an easy child to bring up as he was so strong-willed. As a young child, he and his brother Yonatan got up to a lot of mischief together. Never rebellious but fiercely independent, he really gave us a run for our money.

I’ll tell you one story about that. We were considering changing his school when he was 4, so we went to visit another school for a day to try out. I was sitting with him, and he said, “Mom, you can leave now!” When I arrived to fetch him, he told me “This is my new school now.” I told him that Daddy and I had to still decide, but he had already decided that he wasn’t going back to the old school, and this was now his new school. He started the next day! 

Daniel was on the move all the time, if he wanted to do something, he was completely focused. If there was a subject he liked, he would excel at it. He made friends within days of coming to live in Yad Binyamin, it was really incredible how quickly he integrated and learnt the language. He really enjoyed the freedom of being able to travel around independently. Daniel and his friends made use of every minute they had together, going on buses all over Israel to beaches, natural springs, and restaurants – Daniel loved eating out. He would do anything for his friends, a true and loyal friend. 

When he was 15, he went to school in Yerucham in the south of Israel, another school he was adamant to get into, there was one place and he got it. 

During corona he found himself a job at Misrad HaBriut (Ministry of Health) for over a year answering corona-related questions. He had the authorization to release people from quarantine, he became the most popular person in Yad Binyamin and beyond. The phone didn’t stop for him.

He then went to the army, where he really matured from a teenager who initially just wanted to complete his service and get into the next stage of life to a responsible, timely and organized individual. He fully embraced his role and learned from every experience. He went to the commanders course and was selected as the mitztayen of the whole course (the valedictorian). When they announced that the mitztayen was Daniel Perez, we assumed it was someone else since it is quite a common name, but then our Daniel stepped forward, and we realized that was our Daniel Perez! That was when we started to realize how committed he was to the army and the Land of Israel. After that, he went to officers course and excelled there too.

He was a real mensch. He wasn’t super talkative at home, but I knew that he loved being out and about with friends. We learnt early on that Daniel needed a lot of freedom and thrived when out with friends. He would visit his Anglo friends in Herzliya and go running at 6 in the morning on the beach there, always convincing a friend to come with him. When he was home he would often have friends over for barbecues, I noticed that these boys were never really on their phones, they were talking most of the time. Daniel formed deep meaningful relationships.

I am very grateful that he and I had such a good connection. My name for him was “hachamood sheli, my cutie.” He could get me to do anything for him, he was persuasive in the nicest possible way.

On the morning of October 7th, Daniel was at the Nachal Oz base with his tank crew, just 850 meters from the Gaza border. What did Daniel do on October 7th?

Daniel had been at Nachal Oz for about 6–8 weeks. When we had visited him one erev Shabbat to give him and his tank crew food, Doron could hear shouting and gunshots from the border. Daniel reassured us, saying, “They are just playing up again.” Doron told me about this, and I kept sending him messages to stay in his tank and be careful. 

On October 7th, he ran to the bomb shelter at 6:30am like everyone else. A medic who was with Tzevet Peretz (Daniel’s tank crew) in the bomb shelter told us that they were fully dressed and ready for any task, whereas others were still putting on clothes and shoes. Tzevet Peretz were ready for whatever was needed from them – little did they know… Daniel had trained his soldiers to be prepared for anything, at any time. 

It’s very difficult for me to discuss the details of what he and Tzevet Peretz did on that day. What Daniel did on October 7th was heroic. If he would have had the choice I don’t believe Daniel would have chosen any other way to leave this world, he was committed to saving Jews and protecting the Nachal Oz base.

The other soldiers loved him deeply. We didn’t know the other soldiers personally, but they clearly loved him. We got to know more about Daniel through his friends. Every second week after October 7th, they would come and visit us, laugh and cry, all the time hoping and praying that he would come home. His friends are a huge comfort for me, they all have a part of Daniel in their hearts.

The stories they shared were remarkable – he would pick them up at 3am from the airport. One of his friends was going on a first date and was planning to take the bus. Daniel said, “You can’t take a girl on a bus on the first date.” He took my husband’s car, drove them to the date, and waited outside for 4 hours to take them home. He always encouraged his friends to be the best they could be and was also always up for a sports or game challenge, of course including some sort of monetary bet! 

You have had an emotional journey from October 7th through these past 500-plus days. What has given you strength through your journey?

During the first 163 days when we thought he was alive, I had a lot of hope. Literally the whole world was saying Tehillim and and davening for him and still are, as we wait for him to be released so that he can have a kever Yisrael. There were so many ma’asim tovim and mitzvot done in Daniel’s name. The support of the women around me, my very good friends, kept me going. It was torture – trying to work out what happened in the tank, trying to put together every piece of information about what could have happened. Not knowing where your child is, if he is hot or cold, if he has had medical treatment or enough food was unbearable and torturous. 

In some ways, I was blessed. There were no stories of torture yet from the hostages that had come out in the first deal! I didn’t read the news or look at any pictures of what was going on in Gaza. Doron was constantly meeting with ministers to ensure that if there was a deal, soldiers would be part of it. We did all we could to try and find out some information, but we heard nothing until March 17th, 2024.

The last few weeks of that period were really debilitating, I felt paralyzed with fear for Daniel’s life. I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t eat, I was exhausted, just trying to get through each day. 

When we heard that Daniel had been killed on October 7th, I had this very guilty feeling of relief, like something had lifted off my chest. As painful as the news was, I knew two things – my son didn’t suffer at the hands of these barbarians and that he is with Hashem. Although my mourning is so challenging, when I look at the families of the hostages who are (please G-d) alive, I feel like I can’t even complain. Their torture for this amount of time is absolutely inexplicable and agonizing. 

The funeral and shiva were so overwhelming. I hadn’t seen people in months. I could only manage about 3 hours a day of the shiva. It was extremely overwhelming to suddenly have all these people around. Just having to see people is difficult. It’s been better for me to be at home, with my friends, and try my best to look after myself – walk, go to ballet, go to trauma tipul (therapy) every week. Small things like eating properly and sleeping properly have been my way of coping.

We’ve had a lot of berachot along the way: Yonatan baruch Hashem miraculously survived being shot in the leg on October 7th. He got married ten days later to a wonderful girl. She has been unbelievable during this period and we are all very close to her.

Shira has come out of her shell and has spoken around the world. And Adina is making beautiful artwork out of metal dedicated to Daniel. These are small comforts along the way after such a terrible tragedy.

What is your message to Jews around the world this Pesach?

What we’ve learned from Daniel was how he loved spending time with his many varied close friends and in whom he invested so much of himself. Definitely as women, we often don’t do enough of that. There’s always something to do at home. The group of friends that I have surrounding me are beyond special, each and everyone of them has given their all to hold me up. Even though it was such an intense time we all spent so much time together, it was a time to bond, laugh, and cry together. We do things together now. Everybody comes to me most Shabbat mornings for kiddush. We laugh and bond. Women often don’t make time to nurture themselves and be with friends.

The other important lesson is to grab opportunities for nurturing connections. I have decided to prioritize family events. Those are the times you remember. You don’t remember the housework and work-related matters, but you do remember special times with friends and family.

I am very blessed to have wonderful parents-in-law, they come every week to be with us, they even come when Doron is away to see me. This has been something terribly hard on them, but spending time together gives us all comfort. Life is about these moments and connections with those close to us, and that is something I have learned from Daniel.

With much gratitude to Hashem, we have recently been blessed with a gorgeous grandson. This is a huge gift and has brought a shining light into our family and entire extended family. With Hashem’s help may he be blessed to merit Torah, chuppah and ma’asim tovim.