There’s something about the sound of the shofar in Elul that shakes me. Not just my ears, but my heart, my thoughts, my sense of who I am and who I want to be. The Jewish new year isn’t just a one-day event. It’s a full journey – beginning in Elul, winding through Rosh Hashanah, climbing to the peak of Yom Kippur, and dancing all the way to Simchat Torah.

Each step invites us into deeper connection – not just with Hashem, but with ourselves, our loved ones, and our greater community. And while it’s a spiritually rich time, let’s be honest – it can also be incredibly lonely for those still waiting to build a family of their own.

Imagine walking through a simple meadow and seeing a king – your King – waiting there for you. No throne, no guards, no distance. That’s Elul. Hashem is accessible, approachable, and near. It’s the month to reflect, to realign, and to begin the work of coming home.

In a good marriage, we have moments when we feel the other person is right there in the field with us. And other moments when they feel far away, up in the palace, behind layers of distance or pain. Relationships, like the moon, wax and wane. They go through cycles. And Jewish life honors that rhythm – of closeness, of effort, of renewal.

Rosh Hashanah isn’t just about apples and honey. It’s about crowning Hashem as King of the Universe and King of our hearts. It’s the moment we say, “I want You in my life.”

But it doesn’t stop there. Yom Kippur is not a sad day; it’s a sacred day. A day of return. A day we get to cleanse our spiritual slate and come back to what matters. And in a way, it’s like the emotional intimacy of a good marriage. After a fight, after disconnection, there’s the power of reconciliation. Of starting again. Of choosing love all over again.

What about singles?

For singles, these holidays can feel heavy. I’ve sat across from many men and women over the years who tell me they dread this season. Not because they don’t believe, not because they don’t want to celebrate – but because they do. And they want someone to share it with. They want to build their own home, host their own guests, and feel like they belong to something greater.

To the singles reading this: I see you. Hashem sees you. Your time is coming. Keep preparing your heart, keep showing up, and keep the faith – even when it’s hard.

To the marrieds reading this: Please make room at your table. Not just physically, but emotionally. Don’t be so wrapped up in your own family and kugel recipes that you forget the person sitting alone in shul. Smile. Invite. Introduce. You never know what a small gesture can spark.

The holidays are also prime time for noticing people. New faces in shul, guests at meals, people passing in the street. Be curious. Be kind. Be match-minded.

You don’t need to be a professional to make a match. All you need is a little heart and a little thought. Here’s my secret formula: Find three reasons why two people should meet. Not just because “they’re both single,” but because you’ve thought it through. Maybe they share values. Maybe they have a similar rhythm in life. Maybe you sense a mutual softness or spark.

Then? Pitch the idea gently. Respectfully. You’ll probably hear more nos than yeses. That’s okay! It’s normal, keep trying.

But whatever you do, don’t throw spaghetti at the wall. Don’t suggest someone just because you’re feeling pressure to make a match. Singles deserve dignity. Mindful matchmaking is holy work.

The High Holidays remind us of the deepest truths: We’re not here alone. We’re part of a people, a history, a future. Our spiritual work isn’t just about us. It’s about how we show up for Hashem, for our spouse if we have one, for our children or parents, and for our community.

And yes – helping someone find their soulmate is one of the greatest mitzvot we can do. It strengthens them, it strengthens their future family, and it strengthens Am Yisrael.

A tip and a blessing

Tip: As you move through the holidays, take five minutes after each meal or tefillah to look around the room. Ask yourself: Who’s here? Who’s not here? Who might benefit from an invitation, an introduction, or even just a smile? Let’s open our hearts and homes a little wider this year.

Blessing: May this new year bring you clarity, courage, and connection. May your prayers rise up like incense, may your tears turn to joy, and may you – whether single, married, or somewhere in between – feel held by Hashem and embraced by your community. And may we all merit to help someone else find their match, and in doing so, bring more love into the world.

 

Aleeza Ben Shalom is a soulmate clarity coach. She was on Netflix’s “Jewish Matchmaking” and is an in-demand speaker, expert, and author of numerous books. She leads the Jewish Matchmaking Movement, in partnership with World Mizrachi.

The Jewish Matchmaking Movement is an exciting global collaboration between World Mizrachi and Aleeza Ben Shalom to guarantee future Jewish generations.