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Faith in Captivity

An Interview with Agam Berger

Twenty-year-old Agam Berger spent 482 days in Hamas captivity, yet never wavered in her faith. The IDF lookout soldier, kidnapped from the Nachal Oz base on October 7th, maintained her halachic observance even in the tunnels of Gaza – refusing to cook on Shabbat, keeping kosher despite severe hunger, and fasting on Yom Kippur. Her message upon release, “I chose the path of faith, and in the path of faith I returned,” has inspired Jews across the world. Rabbi Aron White spoke with Agam to learn how a small sefer found its way into the Hamas tunnels and became a source of strength during her captivity.

Agam, thank you so much for joining me for this interview. I understand there’s an incredible story about how a Torah booklet – “B’chayil U’veruach” – came into your possession while you were in captivity. We’re actually translating this booklet into English and publishing it around the world for Rosh Hashanah, and as soon as this idea came up, I remembered your amazing story with this booklet. Can you tell us about how the booklet first came to you?

We were being held in a tunnel – it was around January of 2024. I was with other hostages – Liri Albag, Emily Damari, Naama Levy, and Romi Gonen. We suddenly received a siddur along with this booklet, “B’chayil U’veruach,” and a newspaper. One of our captors brought them to us. He had received it from one of his superiors. Israeli soldiers had simply left these items in the field – they were probably distributed to the soldiers, and they might have had to leave quickly from that place. They brought the siddur, booklet and newspaper and asked what it was. When they realized it was in Hebrew and wasn’t military material they could use, they left it with us.

It was such a wave of Hebrew materials from home, and it was really exciting. The front cover of the booklet said it was a special edition of the booklet produced for Milchemet Charvot Barzel. Until this moment, we didn’t even know the name of the war – it was only when we saw the front cover of the booklet that we learned it was called Milchemet Charvot Barzel (the Iron Swords War)! Even on such a basic level it was so meaningful to receive these materials.

Honestly, when you’re in a tunnel and bored with nothing to do, it was something to occupy our time. For me specifically, the booklet was fascinating because there’s a lot of depth in it – something I could connect with personally. It was also about the war, which interested me because you have all kinds of questions in your head in a situation like this: How do we approach warfare differently in Judaism? What about situations involving prisoners and captivity? When I opened the summary of the booklet, I realized it wasn’t the complete work, so I told myself I’d have to read the entire book when I returned home. I haven’t managed to do that yet, but I will! I kept it until the very end, until the last day we had this booklet with us. It gave me so much.

Beyond the fact that it interested me intellectually, I was struggling with a practical issue: I wasn’t eating the meat our captors brought us because it wasn’t kosher. It wasn’t real meat – it was canned meat, like canned sausage. We didn’t receive it very often, but sometimes they brought it, but I wouldn’t eat it as I knew it’s not kosher. I kept thinking, “I wish I had something that would tell me what to do. I can’t consult a rabbi. I know it’s pikuach nefesh (saving a life), but I still don’t feel like I have to do it.”

Around October-November of 2024, I was really getting weak and starting to get sick. It was getting worse. At that time, only Liri and I were together, and we talked about it. I said, “What should I do? Should I start eating meat now?” I said, “I wish I had something that would give me guidance so I’d know what to do.”

You didn’t touch it for almost a whole year? 

Yes, many times during that year they told me, “Just eat already! Why do you care? You’re at war, it’s permitted!” Each time I explained to them that while I could, I wasn’t ready yet. I kept thinking I’d be coming home soon and could get stronger from healthy food at home. I told myself that when there was a deal and I knew I was leaving, then I’d stop eating it.

Liri and I went through this booklet together. Liri helped me collect various points while I read. Then she said to me, “Agam, listen, come look at what’s written here.” We read it together, and that’s what helped me reach the decision to eat meat so I could get stronger. It was very difficult, and it came after a lot of deliberation. There was a chapter on pikuach nefesh.

Yes, I saw that it discusses the principle of “vachai bahem, and you shall live by them.”

Exactly. The Torah says that despite the importance of the mitzvot, “you shall keep my laws and live by them” (Vayikra 18:5). There were many examples about not endangering oneself – regarding Shabbat and other mitzvot as well. So I said, “Okay, I understand.” So I realized I was allowed to eat non-kosher meat. I told myself that it was OK for me to do it, until I would learn that there is a hostage deal; as soon I knew I would be returning home I didn’t need to eat it anymore. The first bite that I took of the meat – I was crying.

About two months later, there was already a deal. After I found out, I only had two days before I came home. I had the opportunity to stop eating the meat before I returned home.

Since we’re approaching Rosh Hashanah, can I ask if you remember anything from Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur last year?

Of course. We were in a house then, not in a tunnel where you’re underground without light, not knowing what day it is.

How often were you moved between different locations?

It changed frequently. We moved around a lot. There was a period when only Liri Albag and I were together, and before every chag, we knew it was approaching. How do we figure out exactly what day it falls on? I had to know. The thought that Rosh Hashanah would just pass – that the evening of Rosh Hashanah would come and go without me even knowing – was really, really hard for me.

We tried two or three months beforehand to start calculating exactly what day it would be. We said, “Okay, last year, what day did it fall on?” Because with the Hebrew and Gregorian calendars – sometimes they align, sometimes they shift.

We tried to remember when Rosh Hashanah had fallen last year to figure it out. We tried all different methods to calculate when it would be. We even asked the terrorists about when the moon would be full, because they follow the lunar calendar too for their holidays. We tried our best – I don’t know if we really got it exactly right. I think we either missed it by a day or got it right, but we still celebrated it on the day we thought it would actually fall.

We also asked for dates to eat, something special to mark the occasion. It came late, but we still got some special things. So it wasn’t exactly Rosh Hashanah, but I knew I had done what I could.

For Yom Kippur, we counted the days from what we thought was Rosh Hashanah to Yom Kippur, and we actually fasted too.

Both of you fasted?

Yes, both Liri and I. She said that although she doesn’t usually fast, she wanted to try and fast together with me. It was easier for both of us doing it together.

When it was possible to eat, we ate the pre-fast meal, and then we both fasted. We told them we wouldn’t eat. In the morning when they said to eat, we said we wouldn’t eat, and we’d only eat in the evening. There were two meals a day normally. When they brought us the food, they prepared it around seven, but we said we’d break the fast at eight because that would be twenty-five hours. So we just sat and looked at the food and waited.

Since the issue of humanitarian aid is in the headlines now, with discussions about aid reaching Gaza, did you witness how Hamas handled the aid that came in?

I can address that a bit. We saw that aid was coming in – it’s not that it wasn’t arriving. The trucks were waiting there. Hamas simply chooses what to do with the food. The superiors I was with would make videos while sitting and eating whatever they wanted. There were periods with less food – I can’t lie about that – but during periods when there was food, Hamas would take it for their superiors. They do whatever they want and deliberately choose to starve those who are imprisoned there.

And you received leftovers?

Yes. It’s also known that they abuse the male hostages more. Wherever they can – why should they give them two pitas if they can give one and keep one more for themselves? Wherever they can abuse them, they do. And now only men are left among those who are alive, and that’s intentional.

I want to ask about the story of braiding the other hostages’ hair.

Yes, I can talk about that. During the first weeks, we were in tunnels with kids – an eight-year-old girl and a fifteen-year-old girl who had to take care of her little sister because they were without their parents. Their father had been murdered. We were also with the Goldstein family, who had small children too.

The braids were primarily to protect these kids’ hair because we couldn’t shower properly, so at least their hair would be neat and wouldn’t get tangled or infested with lice. It was to protect their hair. Each girl thought about what she wanted, and I did what they requested. When the first deal happened, I knew when I braided their hair I was sending girls home, and this was the least I could do when they left, so they would feel good when they departed.

Agam and Rabbi Aron White discussing the B’chayil U’veruach booklet.

Wasn’t it incredibly difficult to be braiding these girls’ hair for their freedom when you were still in captivity?

I was genuinely happy. I knew there was a chance we – the soldiers – wouldn’t be released any time soon. Thinking otherwise would have been deceiving myself, because we also knew there were other categories of people who were relatively early priorities, and there would be several more stages before everyone left, and only then might they think about us. So it was truly gratifying to let them leave feeling good about themselves.

I’m sure you now know that when the other girls were released with their beautifully braided hair, people around the world were deeply moved by that image and what it represented.

It was really moving.

Of the hostages remaining in Gaza, were you held together with any of them?

No, everyone I was with in captivity has already been released. Most of them were released in earlier deals, and those who weren’t – like Keith (Siegel), who was with us at the beginning – he was released just two days after me. So all the people I was directly held with have come home.

As we approach Rosh Hashanah, do you have a message for people around the world? 

May all the hostages return to us by then – amen, amen. And if not, then please do everything you can to help, as if they were members of your own family.

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. May we have only good news ahead.

Amen.

Rabbi Aron White is the Managing Editor of HaMizrachi Magazine. He lives in Carmay HaNadiv, Kiryat Malachi, and serves as the Rabbi of Beit Knesset Tzameret Arnona in Yerushalayim.