On October 7th, Nathanel Young was killed by Hamas, who overtook the Yiftach base where he was serving. Nathanel, a recent immigrant from the UK, was one of the first victims of October 7th to be buried. Since then, much has happened for the Young family: Nathanel’s parents, Chantal and Nicky, have made Aliyah, and the family has welcomed four new grandchildren. Rabbi Aron White spoke with Chantal, Nathanel’s mother, and Elliot, Nathanel’s brother, to hear their story of pain, loss, and the search for comfort.

 

Thank you for sharing your story with HaMizrachi readers. Chantal, can you tell us about your family and Nathanel’s upbringing?

Chantal: I am from Paris, and in 1984 I married my husband Nicky who is from England. We raised our family in London, and were blessed to have 5 children. We wanted to make Aliyah, but it never quite worked out; the children were too young, then the children were too old. But then in the end, 4 out of 5 of our children made Aliyah before us. Nathanel is our youngest, and so when he made Aliyah we became empty nesters, and we started the process for making Aliyah ourselves.

When and why did Nathanel decide to move to Israel and serve in the IDF?

Elliot: I remember when he was 10 or 11, he already said “I am going to be in the IDF.” By that time, I had made Aliyah, and any time something happened in the news, he called to check that we are OK. He felt very connected to Israel, to making sure people in Israel are safe. He always wanted to serve. Even when he did join the army, he spent much of his free time with his siblings and nieces and nephews around Israel.

Chantal: During COVID, he began the process of trying to join the army as a chutznik, first through Garin Tzabar, and then through Machal. He was told on both of these programs that his profile wasn’t high enough and the army wasn’t for him, but he was determined. He worked really hard – he decided to make Aliyah, as it would make the process of enlisting more likely, and he also trained incredibly hard, doing a combat fitness program for 6 weeks, crawling up sand dunes early in the morning and other intense training. Eventually he enlisted in August 2022, and he joined Golani’s Brigade 13. He did almost a year of training, and at his Tekes Hashba’a in July 2023, received the honor of being given his commander’s beret.

I had been nervous about him joining the army, but I always wanted to support my children’s decisions. When he came to London for a break in his army service, he was just radiating happiness – it was like he had struck gold, he felt so fulfilled. There is no better feeling as a parent than to see your child content, and he was just living his dream and so proud of himself, it was marvelous. 

His dream was ultimately cut short, but he died doing exactly what he wanted to do, and not many people can say that.

What did you know and hear on October 7th?

Chantal: Nicky and I were in France for Yom Tov, at the seaside town of Deauville with some of my family. It was a beautiful day, and I went for a lovely walk on the beach with my sister, and when I came back Nicky had a long face. “News is going round that there’s a bad situation in Israel.” I started to see that my phone was pinging with tons of messages – I opened my phone, and there were messages that Nathanel was injured. Elliot said he was going to Barzilai Hospital in Ashkelon to see if he could find Nathanel. Elliot told me to keep my phone on me – I had never gone to shul on Simchat Torah before with my phone.

Elliot: I drove to Ashkelon to the hospital – the rockets were still being fired, and only later would I learn that Barzilai Hospital was hit while I was there. I was looking for Nathanel for two-and-a-half hours, but couldn’t find him in the hospital. Just after midnight, I learned from someone that he had been identified as killed. I was going to call my parents, but the army said I had to wait – by official army protocol, my sister Gaby was listed as Nathanel’s next of kin in the country, and there had to be an official announcement given to the next of kin. They said this would only be possible the next day, due to the general chaos in the country. I said there is no way I can withhold this information from my parents for that long, and they managed to dispatch a team to Gaby’s house shortly after. Then, Gaby and I called our parents. It was the most difficult phone call I have ever made, to inform them that Nathanel had fallen.

Chantal: We were in absolute shock, I think Nicky and I just sat there for about an hour, totally unable to move. Elliot, Gaby and Daniel were in Israel, and they made the arrangements with the army for the funeral. Nicky and I had a torturous drive back to London, where we had to get our home ready for shiva, and then fly to Israel for the levaya. We arrived in Israel, not having slept, for Nathanel’s funeral on Monday, October 9th.

When you are in this state you are barely on this planet, you aren’t able to think straight, but the army and people who took care of us were incredible. We got to Har Herzl, and I saw a small group of friends and family, but it was only as we got into the mountain that we saw how many thousands of people were there. Even after the funeral, people were showing me videos and only then I realized how many people were there.

During Gaby’s speech at the funeral, the sirens sounded, with rockets being fired at Yerushalayim. I was worried, as three of my daughters and daughters-in-law were pregnant and I was worried about the shock. Magen David Adom on the site took very good care of them, making sure they were OK after we got up.

As we were leaving the funeral, some friends of Nathanel came up to me. Nathanel had been on a trip to Amsterdam with them, and had bought me some magnets with Van Gogh pictures on them for me, as I like Van Gogh. He had never got to give them to me, but his friends gave me the gift from Nathanel as we were leaving Har Herzl.

Nathanel was one of the first soldiers to be buried, and when you were sitting shiva it was still during the earliest days of the war. What was the shiva like?

Chantal: The shiva was full with so many people, with friends, family, people we hadn’t seen for decades, and people we didn’t know who just wanted to be there for us. There were 18-year-old seminary girls who came just to sit with us. There was a chassid from Meah Shearim who didn’t speak any English, who showed me a message he had written using Google Translate, saying that if we needed anything we could call him. 

Elliot: Firstly, even the fact that we were informed of his death the night after October 7th was itself a nechama – for many families, they didn’t get the news until days, weeks or even months later. 

On the first day of the shiva, a woman walked in shaking, telling us that she had just come from a brit milah of a child who had been named after Nathanel. The parents didn’t even know us – they had just heard the story, and felt very connected and named their son after Nathanel. A few weeks later we got to meet the family in a very emotional meeting.

There also was hardly a local business that didn’t provide us with something. From the local coffee shop to bakeries, every business sent us something, just as a way of showing us that they were there for us.

Since then, there are still many times in the weeks and months since that people who I don’t even know will come over to me and offer a comforting word, or just say they are thinking about us.

It’s interesting you mention that, because it’s a topic a lot of people wonder about. It is not uncommon for people to bump into someone who has lost a family member in this war, and they don’t know the person but recognize them from the news or online. People are often unsure what to do – “What do I say? Should I say anything?” What do you think about that?

Elliot: It is always appreciated when you say something comforting, and tell a bereaved family member that you are thinking about them. Sometimes I am in the mood for a conversation, to share more, and sometimes I am not, and then appreciate when the person gives me my space. But offering a comforting word or thought is always meaningful. 

It’s also important to remember that there really isn’t a formula for what to say. I have been to shiva houses since October 7th, to comfort other families who have lost relatives, and I still don’t know what to say. In the end, it’s always the thought that counts a lot more than what you say. 

Only a few weeks after Nathanel was killed, you and Nicky made Aliyah. How did it feel coming to live in Israel after the loss you had experienced?

Chantal: Aliyah was the best decision we ever made, and we are so happy here – I actually just passed my ulpan exam today! It was our dream, and Nathanel’s dream, that we should live here, and we are happy to live that dream even if now we can’t live it with Nathanel. I also spend a lot of time with Nathanel’s friends – I actually need them, and they need me. You don’t have to be a family member to be deeply affected by a loss like this. Spending time together gives a lot to me and to them.

During the shiva, a friend also offered us to live in their holiday home when we made Aliyah, so we lived there for a few months, which helped a lot. Now we have found a place in Ir Yamim in south Netanya. There is just something indescribable in the feeling of home here in Israel – even though we just moved here, it feels like home in such a deep way.

And in the months after, you have been blessed that your family has grown.

Chantal: Yes, in the months since Nathanel was killed we have been blessed with four wonderful new grandchildren, who bring us so much joy! You can’t ask for something better than that – there are three new girls and one new boy. At the brit milah, when they named him Natan after Nathanel, it was very emotional but so meaningful.

Elliot: Our daughter was born a few months after Simchat Torah and we named her Nili Nechama. Nili is an acronym for “Netzach Yisrael Lo Yeshaker, The Eternal One of Israel does not betray,” and I felt it really represented Nathanel and his commitment to the Jewish people. Nechama was for the comfort that this new addition to our family brings. After the shiva, I really felt that even just going to the park with my kids was the most amazing comfort. 

We don’t understand Hashem’s way, but He made sure we had these children coming to give us this incredible joy amongst all the sadness.