Typically, we relate more to Shabbat Nachamu than Tisha B’Av, as our comfortable lives make it challenging to connect with ancestral suffering and the absence of the Beit HaMikdash. However, this year is different. Recent horrors have reconnected us with the historical suffering of Jews, making Tisha B’Av more relatable. Yet, finding consolation is harder given the significant loss of Israeli lives, numerous injuries, and ongoing hostage situation. How can we find comfort amidst such tragedy?
Nechama built in
Nechama (consolation) is fundamental to how Judaism relates to suffering. Inspired by the tradition that Mashiach was born on Tisha B’Av, we include nechama even within the day of Tisha B’Av. After the intense mourning in the evening and morning, the mourning lightens in the afternoon, as we don tefillin, sit on chairs, prepare food, and greet each other.
Chazal understood that even amidst suffering, nechama is critical. We can find consolation in three ways: focusing on the future, appreciating the present good, and recognizing the good even within the bad.
Focusing on future good
Rabbi Akiva taught us to focus on the future, using Jewish suffering to reinforce faith in future success. The prophets predicted both our suffering and our eventual redemption. Just as their prophecies of doom materialized, so would their prophecies about redemption. Where others saw present suffering, Rabbi Akiva saw a positive future. Instead of mourning, he celebrated the impending redemption.
Today’s extreme antisemitism also fulfills prophecy, defying rational explanation. Like Rabbi Akiva, we should view our suffering as prophetic realization, strengthening our belief in future positive prophecies.
Appreciating the present good
Yes, we are experiencing terrible suffering, but we must also appreciate that Hashem has blessed us with so much good in our personal and national lives. We live in an era of Jewish return and development in Eretz Yisrael. Though attacked, we can now defend ourselves, no longer helpless under foreign rule.
We are living the fulfillment of prophecy, including one Rabbi Akiva used to console his colleagues: “Old men and women will once again sit in the streets of Yerushalayim… and the city streets will be full of children playing” (Zechariah 8:4–5). Rabbi Akiva could only find consolation in the future, but we can get it from the present as well.
Recognizing the good within the bad
Suffering itself can also be a source of consolation.
The Tanna Nachum Ish GamZu asserted that negative experiences are “gam zu l’tovah, also for the good” (Ta’anit 21a). Nachum’s first name may have been rooted in his last one – GamZu. His belief that everything is for the good consoled him at times of suffering.
David HaMelech expressed a similar sentiment when he described himself as being consoled by Hashem’s staff (Tehillim 23:4). Though Hashem, like a shepherd, sometimes uses His “staff” to punish us, we are comforted by the care He shows us.
Hashem, like a caring father, disciplines us more thoroughly than other nations. Our suffering serves as divine guidance, steering us toward improvement. This is the significance of the occurrence of the churban in the month of Av. Though the month brought terrible suffering and is an inauspicious time for us, we should be consoled by the knowledge that it is our “Av” (Father), Who we know has our best interests in mind, Who is behind it all.
Nachum Margolios, like his namesake Nachum Ish GamZu, appreciated this. Nachum was known for always having a smile on his face, though his life was far from easy. He and his wife had only two daughters, and both were killed in an accident. To everyone’s surprise, even during shiva, Reb Nachum continued to appear in good spirits, with a smile on his face. Some of his friends asked how he was able to maintain his happiness immediately after both of his children were killed.
He answered them, “Let me explain with an analogy. What happens if you feel a painful slap? If you turn around and see that it is a stranger who hit you, you are upset at the person and rightfully complain about what he has done to you. But if you turn around and see that it is a close friend, you immediately realize that it is a slap of love. You embrace your friend with compassion and happiness. So what can I say? I felt a massive slap of pain, but when I turned around, I saw Hashem behind me, and I know that He loves me. That is how I can continue to rejoice even now, despite my tremendous pain.”
Suffering may be painful, but when we realize Hashem is behind it, the month truly becomes Menachem Av.
Rabbi Reuven Taragin is Educational Director of Mizrachi and Dean of the Yeshivat Hakotel Overseas program. His new book, Essentials of Judaism, can be purchased at rabbireuventaragin.com.