Living in a State of Disconnection:

There are moments in history that echo into our personal lives. Yom Yerushalayim is one of those moments. Celebrated on the 28th of Iyar, it commemorates the reunification of East and West Jerusalem during the Six Day War in 1967. For the Jewish people, it marked a profound return. After years of separation, access was restored to the Kotel and other sacred sites, igniting a sense of connection that had been longed for across generations.

Jerusalem was never truly two places, it was always one, living in a state of disconnection. And if we look inside ourselves, that is what happens in our relationships all the time. Two people can be technically together, yet emotionally divided. The connection is still there, but it no longer feels unified.

Most relationships do not break in a single dramatic moment. They drift. A misunderstanding goes unaddressed. A moment of hurt turns into quiet distance. A conversation that should have never happened does. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, what once felt whole begins to feel fragmented as if you’re on opposite sides.

Reunification, whether of a city or a relationship, does not happen by accident or with ease. It requires intention. It requires movement toward each other which often feels uncomfortable. It requires courage, patience and wisdom.

When Jerusalem was reunited, people did not simply celebrate the new borders, they ran to the places that held meaning. In relationships, these are your emotional “holy sites.” They are the moments when you felt closest, the conversations that flowed, the experiences that made you feel seen and chosen.

If you are in a relationship now that is struggling, reflect on when you felt most like a team. Reconnection does not begin with fixing everything that is broken; it begins with remembering what was once whole and intentionally returning to it.

Another essential step in reunification is reclaiming access. For years, there were places in Jerusalem that were physically inaccessible. In relationships, we create similar barriers, though they are often invisible. We stop sharing certain thoughts. We hold back emotions. We tell ourselves it is not worth the effort to explain how we feel. Over time, entire parts of ourselves become off-limits.

Rebuilding a relationship requires reopening those gates. It might mean saying something you have been holding back, even if it feels vulnerable. It might sound like admitting distance, expressing hurt, or simply acknowledging that you miss the closeness that once existed. Access is the foundation of connection. Without it, two people may remain side by side, but they are no longer truly together.

Conflict also plays a role in division, and how we approach it determines whether we deepen the divide or begin to bridge it. Many people enter conflict trying to win, but in relationships, winning often comes at the cost of connection. Reunification is about shifting the focus from being right to understanding one another. Research by John Gottman at the Love Lab found that 69% of relationship conflicts are perpetual problems – disagreements that cannot be resolved but must instead be managed and navigated over time. While we will always remain different from one another, we don’t need to remain distant.

Perhaps the most challenging part of reunification is the willingness to move first. There is a quiet stalemate that often occurs in relationships, where each person waits for the other to soften, to reach out, to take responsibility. But when both people are waiting, nothing changes. Reconnection begins when one person chooses to step forward. Be that person, make the effort first. 

And in the case of Yom Yerushalayim, we move beyond reunification into something even greater: Shavuot. The journey from reunification leads directly into the story of commitment. On Shavuot, we celebrate the moment the Jewish people stood at Mount Sinai and entered into a covenant with Hashem, a relationship often described as a marriage.

It is not a perfect relationship, but it is a committed one. It is a relationship that includes distance and return, missteps and repair, moments of separation and the ongoing choice to reunify. That is the model we are given. Not perfection, but perseverance.

Yom Yerushalayim reminds us that we need courage to return, to rebuild, and to choose connection again and again.

Just like Yerushalayim, the most meaningful relationships are not the ones that were never divided. They are the ones that found their way home.

Aleeza Ben Shalom is a soulmate clarity coach. She was on Netflix’s “Jewish Matchmaking” and is an in-demand speaker, expert, and author of numerous books. She leads the Jewish Matchmaking Movement, in partnership with World Mizrachi.

The Jewish Matchmaking Movement is an exciting global collaboration between World Mizrachi and Aleeza Ben Shalom to guarantee future Jewish generations.